Birds of a Feather [Incredibles]

Sooooo. -clears throat- This is my first fanfiction that I’ve even thought about posting here. Before you ask, no, it’s not Synlet, but yes, it does involve both of the members. My inspiration came from a fellow Pixar Planet member, mentalguru, who posted their fanfic on FanFiction.net. Near the end was this quote.
“And what about simply platonic things? If you could show me a wholly platonic Violet and Syndrome interaction, I’d love you forever.”
I took it as a challenge.
The inspiration for Raven actually came from a combination of Violet Parr’s drawing of Gothic Violet and Haunt’s drawing of… well, Haunt as well as a large number of my own ideas. Phoenix came from a oneshot that I realized could coincide with the storyline.
I’ve tried rewriting the first chapter several times, and this is finally what I ended up with. The feel is more like that of a television show rather than a story, so instead of chapters, you get episodes, each one split into “a” and “b” because sometimes I just need to take a break. :laughing:
Enjoy.

Episode 1a: An Old Memory, A New Computer

Violet sighed. This was not how things were supposed to go.
It had been years since the Supers had come out of hiding. Violet had come to terms with her powers, but not so much with the idea of being a superhero. There was something about it that just didn’t click right with her. She loved helping people, but there was something about the costume, the mask that set her off. She didn’t like having to hide who she was. It didn’t seem fitting after her whole confidence schtick.
After a while, she formally disbanded from “The Incredibles”. Despite what many thought would have happened, her family respected her decision and allowed her to go on with her life. She started to change her appearance into one she was more comfortable with. Rather than the bright pinks and blues, she tended toward stripes, generally black and purple, trading in her headband for hairclips. She even went as far as to highlight strips of her hair the same color as her namesake. Not long after, she and Tony broke up, opting to remain friends for a while.
When she was twenty, Violet dropped her old name, took on the pseudonym “Raven,” and went into the business of solving crimes using her powers… as a detective of sorts, branching off of the NSA. Her family was very supportive, glad to know that she was doing something productive and helpful with her powers.
And here she was, six months later, selling ice cream.
Raven frowned at the inhumanity of it all. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to get leads and figure things out and not have to sell ice cream to get enough money to get a new computer. The NSA sponsorship only went so far before she used up all she could for the stage she was at now.
“Do you have chocolate?” a young boy asked.
Raven looked down, the conical hat nearly falling off of her head. “We don’t have cones, we have the ice cream treats and the little tubs-“
“But are they chocolate?”
“No. We have these little cups that taste like chocolate-“
“Are they chocolate?”
“I’ll get one of those,” the child’s mother interrupted. “Sorry about him.”
“No, it’s perfectly fine,” Raven said as she reached into the freezer and got out a malt cup, smiling as she took the money. Despite the heat, she resisted the urge to just sit in front of the cooling appliance for several minutes and closed it, opting instead to roll up her elbow-length sleeves.
Raven poked her head out of the stand, checking to see if anyone was near her or planning to get any frozen treats. After making sure no one was even looking at the stand, let alone heading toward it, the Super sat cross-legged on the floor, closed her eyes, and tried to breathe deeply; her brows furrowing in a mixture of concentration and frustration.
“Um… hello? Rick, I don’t think she’s here.”
The too-familiar voice jolted her out of her “ice cream zen” state, causing her to open her eyes wide and lie down flat as she turned completely invisible. The words sounded very odd coming out of his mouth, but there was no way it could be anyone else.
“You probably just startled her, Nix. She knows you as your former self, and she’s probably scared out of her wits because she thinks you’re still… him.”
The “Rick” he’d been referring to was Rick Dicker. Raven was completely confused. What would Syndrome be doing with the head of the NSA’s Metroville branch? The odd nickname just raised even more questions.
“There’s no one in there, though.”
“She’s a Super,” Rick said under his breath. “She’s probably just invisible.”
“She can do that? That’s cool!” He sounded far too happy about the revelation that someone was a Super. Raven started to calculate possible situations in which this could happen. The first one that came to mind was that he was just pretending to be good and had somehow befriended Rick, and this was just a way to capture her and kill her or something. Raven did not feel optimistic while around a supervillain who was supposed to be dead.
The second possible situation was that he had genuinely reformed and was working for the NSA for whatever reason. But then, she realized, none of the dialogue between the two males at the front of the stand would make any sense whatsoever under either of her theoretical circumstances.
“She knows you as your former self, and she’s probably scared out of her wits because she thinks you’re still… him.” Why hadn’t Rick just out-and-out said Syndrome? Why wouldn’t he have told him that she was a Super, and an Incredible to boot? What was “Nix” supposed to mean? And gosh darn it, why did he sound so freakishly happy?!
Raven sat up slowly, intending to get a good look at “Nix.” He was taller than Rick, but that was almost a given. His hair seemed to be styled differently ever-so-slightly, and it seemed a little shorter. He’d lost some weight, but not much. He was wearing a black jacket with a high collar and a blue shirt underneath. The sight of him looking so normal (disregarding his hair) unsettled her a little, and her invisibility shut off for a split second.
“Oh, there she is.” Rick was accustomed to the “blinks” as she called them, usually just shrugged off and pegged as a trick of the eyes. “Come on out, Raven. He’s not going to hurt you.”
“How do you know?” Raven asked suspiciously, “blinking” again without realizing it.
“He doesn’t know who you are.”
“What do you mean? That’s not all that uncommon. I’ve changed a lot in the past few years.”
“He doesn’t know who your father is.”
Raven turned visible instantly and leaned toward Rick as she stood up fully, leaning on the counter. “What.”
“Phoenix here won’t hurt you because he doesn’t know what his name is outside of the one he gave himself before his memories got erased. He doesn’t know who he is or what he’s done, and both of us would prefer to keep it that way.”
“He doesn’t want to remember?”
“If he did, he wouldn’t have come to us to make himself forget.”
“Ahem.” The redhead cleared his throat. “Phoenix would appreciate it if you would stop talking about him like he’s not here.”
“Sorry, Nix. This is Raven. Raven, this is Phoenix, your new partner.”
Raven suddenly got extremely light-headed and stumbled, then sat with her back to the freezer. “Rick, I just have one question. What the heck were you thinking when you decided this?”
“You said you wanted someone smart for a partner and someone who will keep you on your toes. They don’t get smarter than Phoenix, and I’m sure that due to your past experiences with who he was, you’ll take much longer to get used to him than any other partner possible. He doesn’t have powers, as you requested, and if you do choose to accept him as a partner, you won’t have to buy that new computer.”
“Really.” Raven pondered this for a moment. “Your offer intrigues me. I could put this money to better use… Fine.” She turned to Phoenix, her eyes narrowing. “Just remember that I have an ex that will kill you without mercy if you hit on me and he doesn’t think you’re good enough for me, and I’ll let him.”
“Uh… Okay then.” Phoenix tapped Rick on the shoulder and turned around, whispering to him so Raven couldn’t hear as well. She was pretty sure he said “Is she always like this?” though, as Rick’s response was “Only around people she’s not familiar with that she’s afraid of. She’ll get friendlier eventually.”
Rick turned around again. “You can pack it up, Raven. You’re not going to need to do this for three days like we thought.”
Raven smiled. “I guess you are good for something, Phoenix.”
As the Super started to pack up her stuff, she heard him grumble to Rick, “I hope she has more planned than just me making her a new freaking computer.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Rick said with a knowing smile. “She does.”

This is great! So descriptive! Flawless! Good to see another Incredibles FanFic around here!

Can’t wait for the next episode!

I’m glad you like it so much! I really should start reading yours, too, I think I’ll have more free time tomorrow so I’ll get right on that. :3

Aww thanks! Start when you want to! Totally not rushing you! If you ever need help, we’re here for you.

I love how it starts off! Describing her past, her breaking off with The Incredibles, doing the detective work, and then: BAM! Selling ice cream 8D That was a little unexpected, to say the least. Anyway, great first chapter, I loved it! Hmm, Phoenix and Raven…phoenix’s die in a ball of fire and then rise from the ashes, and ravens are generally considered smart, but mysterious birds. You gave them those names for a reason, didn’t you? Can’t wait for the next chapter!

As a matter of fact, I did. :3 You were spot-on with the reasons, too, although the hair also helps the analogy in Phoenix’s case.

Oh, I think I forgot to mention. Raven’s situation is actually based off of a real-life experience. I’m going to Europe next summer and I had to sell ice cream to raise money for it. The chocolate thing actually happened, but it was much more drawn-out and obnoxious. XD

First off, I don’t know whether I’ve greeted you before, but hello and welcome, Arkie!

What a stunning debut, it’s amazing the amount of talent we have here… and it’s been a long time since we had an Incredibles fanfic.

I really love the intro and how we start with the mundane; Violet at an ice-cream stall! 8D It’s great you’re using your life experiences, “write what you know”. As other members have pointed out, great aliases too! And of course, I’m a sucker for police procedurals and buddy cop movies (like Castle and Bones). So this is right up my alley! :stuck_out_tongue:

Very nice characterisations; how 'Nix refers to himself in the third-person, Raven’s “charming” self-introduction to her new partner, and Rick’s ‘old-hat’ wiseness as their boss.

One question though, how did Syndrome survive the explosion from the movie (assuming you’re following canon)? You didn’t explain that bit.

Other than that minor quibble, I can’t wait for them to get started on their first case! Let the (proverbial and literal) fireworks to begin! :smiley:

I thought the third person part was hilarious, myself, and he does it on a frequent basis, usually when he’s stressed. It makes everything funnier.

Well, I was planning on explaining it in episode 1b. Every time I tried to start with how he survived, it would never turn out right. So I figured I’d start with Raven and work my way into that part. And I’m working on it as we speak, so it should be up soon.

Thanks for reviewing! It means a lot to me. :3

So, here’s Episode 1b. The B titles will usually be add-ons to the A titles or something to that effect. There’s lots of talking in this bit, and another new character. Kudos to anyone who laughs at the title before reading the chapter because they get the nerd joke. :laughing: If you don’t, it’s vaguely explained later on.

Episode 1b: …And A Cat Named Schrödinger

Raven ran her hand along the cool metal side of the laptop. “This is amazing.”
“If that’s amazing, you should see some of my other work.” Phoenix smirked a little as they walked down the hallway toward his current home. “I just took the basic interface of your old laptop and gave it an upgrade and a new face with some of the stuff I had lying around here. It is pretty good for such a compact size though. I’ve been working on that.”
“Remind me why you’re not working for some big corporation and making good computers for the general public.”
Phoenix shrugged. “They’d either bog it down or charge more than it’s worth. The main point of that statement is that they’re a corporation. They’re trying to make money. I’m not. I’m just here to help.”
“Why, though?”
“Why, what?” The door unlocked as the inventor approached, and Raven only had a split second to wonder why before she reverted to thinking about his question.
“Why are you just here to help?”
“I’m not familiar with the entire story, seeing as how I’m on the back end of it…” Phoenix turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, a wave of cool air blasting in their faces before he stepped in.
“What I do know is that I was in really bad condition after… some sort of accident. I somehow got to the NSA, and asked them to make me forget everything. I had a really bad grudge against some guy, and I wasn’t a very nice person. I just wanted to start over.
“They erased my memories of my history, but not my memories of my inventions or how I made what I did, because they saw a use for me. I became an entirely new person from the ashes of my old self… and that’s why they call me Phoenix.”
“You had this all planned?” Raven asked as she glanced around at his apartment-like housing unit. Without illumination, the entire place was shrouded in a light blue-grey, matching the cool temperature. She thought she saw an animal for a moment, but when she glanced back, it was gone.
“Well, I had the name planned before I lost everything, yes. I wanted to help people deep down, and I managed to oblige that part before the… not so nice part surfaced again.”
“And you’ve been hanging around here ever since?”
“I only started being able to move around without pain recently. I don’t even remember most of the past few years.”
“Wow.”
“Well, this is it.” Phoenix sat down on a grey couch. It looked comfortable enough, and Raven sat on the other end, careful to keep her distance. The laptop came to rest on her lap, and she glanced down at it. It looked so sleek and smooth, she couldn’t help but run her fingertips across the metal again.
“Thanks again for the laptop.”
“It’s no problem, really. Oh, if you see Schrödinger, don’t mind him.”
“Who’s Schrödinger?” Raven asked, looking up.
“He’s the cat you saw earlier.”
“How did you-“
“You looked at him just before he shifted.” Phoenix shrugged. “I notice a lot of things people don’t think I notice. I just keep quiet about them unless the issue comes up.”
Raven blinked as his statement processed. “Before he what now?”
“Before he shifted. That’s what I call it when he moves through solid objects.”
“A cat that moves through solid objects…?”
“Okay, apparently I can’t get by with a sparse explanation.” Phoenix sighed and stared out the window. “Schrödinger was a dying cat I found a while ago. I decided I wanted to see if something would work, so I gave him some… supplements.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I figured out how to give him humanlike intelligence, speech capabilities, and a couple of powers. I thought I’d call him Schrödinger because he’s alive, and yet a good amount of him is machine, which is not alive. He’s alive and not alive at the same time, which is the basic principle of Schrödinger’s cat. It’s a bit skewed for my purposes, but hey. It’s a cat that talks and walks through walls. What are you going to do.”
“Wow.” Raven stared at her new partner. “How did you figure out how to give him powers?”
“I found out that in my ‘other life’ as I like to call it, I had been doing extensive research on how to artificially create superpowers. It apparently never came to fruition, but I figured out how to do it with animals as Schrödinger proved.”
“That’s amazing,” Raven mused, keeping her thoughts about how great it was that Syndrome hadn’t figured it out but Phoenix had to herself.
“Yeah, but I’ll never try it on people.”
“Why not?”
“Well, Schrödinger’s body accepted it better because he couldn’t feel the pain that came along with it. With a human, it’d have to be way more intense, and the pain from it would torture if not kill a person from shock. I don’t even want to test it out if it does something like that. Nature doesn’t like being tampered with.”
“Well, at least you don’t want to hurt people.”
“I figured that I’ve done enough of that in my lifetime, however short it’s been.”
Raven looked over at Phoenix for a minute, then started fiddling with her leather jacket.
“Why is it so cold in here?”
“I don’t know. It always has been.” Phoenix shook his head. “I think that someone thought with the nickname ‘Phoenix’ and my hair the way it is… they thought I had some sort of fire-based power or something. Rick doesn’t know because I didn’t complain about it, but…”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like complaining to Rick. Usually he gives me this look and it makes me feel like my problem is insignificant and that I really shouldn’t have brought it up, and then I feel like I’m being whiny and annoying. So I just don’t tell him the petty stuff anymore, and eventually I stopped being bothered by stuff as much.”
“You really have changed.”
“Huh?”
“Before the, ah…” Raven cleared her throat before continuing, “…accident, you weren’t the nicest person, obviously. You weren’t all that pleasant to be around, and you were horribly self-centered and childish. I like this new you much better.”
“Um, thanks?” Phoenix laughed nervously. “According to Rick, this is who I was deep down. Most of one’s personality is shaped by your memories, and this is me untainted by all that… bad stuff. Deep down, whoever I was ended up being a sarcastic optimist. Who knew?”
“I don’t think the sarcasm was deep down,” Raven said with a chuckle. “Listen, I should really be getting home. I need to tell my family the good news, and test out this little box of awesome.” She tapped the laptop gently.
“Okay. I’ll see you… when?”
“Tomorrow morning. I still haven’t gotten any cases yet because I haven’t heard anything, really. I plan to rectify that tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“See you then.” Raven smiled and walked out of the room. Phoenix didn’t notice the door closing, though, as Schrödinger had just appeared on the seat beside him.
“See? Rick was right. She did warm up to you.”
“You really need to stop following me places outside,” Phoenix responded. “I think you almost gave someone a heart attack.”
Schrödinger rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You know what you should do?”
“What?”
“Invent a time machine and something that creates pyrokinesis, then go back in time to when you were still healing up and give it to yourself.”
“Then I’d have the weaknesses that go along with it, though. I think I’ll just invent something for it.”
“Bo-ring.” Schrödinger stood up, his tail waving slightly. “Listen, I’d love to stay and chat, but I know you’ve got better things to do. In other words, check you later, I’m gone.” With that, Schrödinger jumped straight through the wall, and Phoenix was cold and alone, just like in his first memory.

Wow, you’re a much more talented writer than I anticipated! :open_mouth: And I don’t mean to flatter you with that statement, I give praise when it’s due (and criticisms when it’s deserved!). How long have you been writing fanfics?

Unfortunately I didn’t get the geek joke and had to google it. Talk about a metaphysical paradox! I love this story, for some reason, I can imagine I’m watching a cute and quirky cop show. Your style is very similar to Life (one of my favourite philosophical police procedurals starring Damien Lewis). I don’t quite know how to describe it, it just has this very charming and pensive nature to it. Whether it can pull just as good dramatic punches, we’ll have to see, but so far I like the whole eccentric, endearing ‘mood’ to it.

Did I just make sense? To use an analogy, TSS’ Incredibles fanfic (which I recommend you read, BTW) is like an action series, like CSI or Flashpoint. And little_chef’s stories (who is also another great writer) are like a soap opera, in a very loose and simplistic sense. I would classify yours in the league of NCIS or Bones, very light-hearted and amusing, but just as entertaining.

This is just my snap impression. Whether the story gets ‘darker’ as we go along is up to you. But I like it! Like I said, I’m really eager for their first case to start, as well as that whole mystery of how-da-heck-did-he-survive-that-explosion! :stuck_out_tongue:

P.S. I’m liking Schrödinger already! That’s one cool cat.

Oooh, I can’t believe I missed this. Thanks so much for taking up the challenge! You did well!

-Proceeds to shower Arkie with love-

My only real quibble right now would be spacing between paragraphs and what not between people speaking etc, a wall of text is a bit difficult to wade through and can be a bit daunting for readers.

Thanks to both of you and I’m glad you like it so much. :slight_smile:

TDIT: Uh, thanks? :laughing: I’ve been actively writing fanfics since around fifth grade, but they only really started to improve since I’ve gotten into high school.

That’s kind of the feel I was going for. I don’t want it to get too dark and serious, there are plenty of other Incredibles fanfics for that. I’ve found that I can’t identify with my own writing if I can’t laugh about at least two different things in a chapter even if I’m the only one that finds it funny, but it tends to make it very difficult to write extremely dark scenes. Eh, I can do without for now and I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I’ve read “Syndrome’s Return” (twice) but I don’t think I’ve gotten around to reading the others yet. I like being compared to Bones because I really like it, and I’ve heard that NCIS has a not-depressed goth character and I’ve been trying to give Raven that outlook to some extent.

I’m glad you like Schrödinger, too. It took me a while to figure out how to write him, but I like the way he turned out.

mentalguru: For the longest time, it was an on/off Synlet. I couldn’t decide which way to go with it. I liked the idea of it as a Synlet, but I’m already writing three and I want to try something different. Your fic convinced me to try something new and share it with people who aren’t exactly into my pairing choice.

And about the paragraph spacing, I’ll try and work on that, thanks. :slight_smile:

:mrgreen: Scrhödinger is my new favorite character! I liked this chapter, especially how Nix says that who is now is who he really was all along, underneath his childish, cynical and evil exterior. I’m interested to see what happens next. Is Raven going to tell her family about Nix? Will he ever remember anything from his past? Can Schrödinger be trusted? Will I ever stop asking questions? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Evil: Well, I wanted to make it so that deep down he was really Incrediboy even after all the stuff that ended up happening to him. He was still brilliant, still wanted to help people, fairly optimistic and yet snarky as I’m sure he would’ve gotten in later years.

As for your questions, I assure you that next episode will answer at least one of them.

I agree with mentalguru about spacing out your paragraphs, something to keep in mind. Do you have this on fanfiction.net?

Oh, and you should really watch Life if you get the chance, Arkie. It has a very similar vibe to Bones/Castle/NCIS/your story; cute, charming and quirky. The premise in a nutshell is Damien Lewis plays a disgraced cop who was wrongfully accused of a crime he did not commit. After DNA evidence surfaced, thus exonerating him, he was released from prison and reinstated to the LAPD with a $50 million compensation. In prison, he underwent a ‘mental and spiritual rebirth’ after studying a Zen book, and now armed with his new outlook on life (as well as a gun and a badge), he sets out to bring those who framed him to justice, while solving the crimes he gets assigned with his reluctant female partner. It’s a great show about revenge and redemption and all those grand themes, with Lewis philosophizing Buddhist quotes while chasing bad guys, so I highly recommend it as some ‘story inspiration’! :mrgreen:

Oh, and the Goth girl from NCIS is Abbie. She’s my favourite character next to Dinozzo! Who knew Goths could be so cheerful? :slight_smile:

Not yet. I don’t know if I’m going to put it up there or not, I’ve been debating for a while.

I’ll have to remember to watch it when I get the chance. :slight_smile:

It’s rather amusing to me you compared her to Abbey from NCIS thedriveintheatre, I’ve been told my version of older!Boo has been like her (though I haven’t watched a lot of the show to really know if this is true but I do see similarities when I have). She’s not really goth my version of Boo, but then she certainly wouldn’t think anything but be too off about hard core goth style really IMO and I could see her giving it a try. My Boo is basically an optimistic, caring person but also a bit reckless, random and strange and kind of a liar. She doesn’t care much about being strange though she kind of revels in it. LOL. Basically goes with the territory the liar bit in my opinion, if monsters are in her life.

Plus she becomes friends with Randall.

And though I haven’t written that I kind of did want to make the Incredibles a comic book series in her world and for her to have been an albeit casual Syndrome fan, just because I find that sort of thing amusing. I kind of always did in Pixar movies (you know like Boo having both a Jessie doll and a toy which looking like Nemo and things like that).

As you do of course. XD.

Anyway yes, your story is very enetrtaining Arkie but I’ve made this mistake before too in a completely different fandom ages ago with spacing, I got a lot of people interested in an Avatar: TLA story in a forum but when posting on ff.net first review I got was more or less: “WALL OF TEXT: CANNOT READ.” FF.net has definitly got a higher readership and so you get more people like that just playing by odds, just as a heads up.

Anyway, can’t wait to read more from you!

This took forever due to drama attacks and school starting, but I finally got it done. It’s a little bit short compared to the first two, but I just couldn’t drag it out any more.

Episode 2a: Explanations

“Hey, Vi. What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

Raven smiled and shook her head. Her parents still hadn’t gotten used to the change from ‘Vi’ to ‘Raven.’

“No, I just need to talk to you and Dad.”

Helen looked a bit apprehensive. Their daughter usually just called once a week to let them know she was okay. She generally didn’t show up at the house unless something was upsetting her.

“Alright…”

Raven entered her former house, smiling at the nostalgia she felt while she nervously adjusted her striped arm warmers. She’d dropped her usual purple and black color scheme that she wore in favor of a red and black one, paying homage to the team she was once a part of.

For a while, Raven meandered around the home, finding subtle deviations from her memories of the place. After some time, she finally made her way into the living room, where her parents were seated.

“So, what brings you here?” Bob asked, a certain note of concern in his voice.

“Well, I just felt like I should tell you guys… Remember how I sent in a request to the NSA for a partner for my detective stuff?”

Helen and Bob glanced at one another before nodding.

“Well, it’s Syndrome,” Raven said bluntly.

Helen stared at Raven for a good minute and a half, while Bob’s jaw clenched with anger as he gave a death glare to the door across from him.

“How?” the wife asked, then turned to her husband for a moment.

“Honey, calm down. You’re going to break the chair.”

Bob shook his head. “Sorry.”

Raven blinked at her father before informing Helen of what had happened.

“Well, I’m not exactly sure how he survived, since Rick still hasn’t told me, but he got his memories wiped. He doesn’t know a thing about himself as Syndrome. He doesn’t even know his original name.”

“Were you ever planning on bringing him over here?” Helen inquired.

“Eventually, yeah. He’s still got all his brilliance, but now he’s a lot more… helpful, to say the least. He doesn’t want to hurt people, he wants to help them. It’s… amazing, who he was deep down.”

“How soon can you get him here?” Bob asked, obviously cynical about the idea of Syndrome being good.

Raven thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. I could call and ask Rick if he can come over.”

“I’m just finding it hard to believe that he’s actually turned around,” Bob said, staring at the door again.

“Well, he’s got a little bit of the same personality,” Raven said, grimacing slightly as she took out her cell phone.

“He’s not malicious, but he can get a bit sarcastic and he’s prone to bursts of severe annoyance, although I haven’t seen any of the characteristic Syndrome anger-bursts.”

“Why would his personality completely change?”

“Well, personality is supposedly built on both genetics and how you were raised. If you take away one, it just leaves the other for plausible traits.” Raven dialed the number for the NSA while Helen attempted to calm down her husband at least a little bit.

“Hey, Rick? Is it safe for Phoenix to come over to my parents’ house? They want to see him. I just wanted to clear it with you first in case it’ll- oh, it won’t? Can you call him and ask if he wants to come over here? Okay, thanks. Talk to you later.”

Raven hung up, smiling at her parents. “There’s no way he’ll be able to remember anything just by seeing you, or even by hearing his old name from you. They made sure to get pretty much everything out, leaving no residual memories to pick up on. If you still want to call him Buddy, though, I’m sure he’d probably let you, seeing as how you call me Vi.”

“Well, you didn’t legally change your name, and even if you had, we probably wouldn’t call you Raven anyway,” Dash interjected, appearing at Raven’s side.

“Who’s coming over? Phoenix? Who’s that? Is it a new Super you met? Is it a boy or a girl?”

Raven smirked and punched Dash lightly in the shoulder. “Still as twerp-y as ever, I see. Phoenix is a guy, he’s my new partner, and you’re probably going to want to send Jack to his room or else Phoenix might actually end up bursting into flame, and I wouldn’t like that.”

“Why would he get mad at Jack?”

“No, I mean that Jack will probably set him on fire.”

“Why would he do that?”

Raven smacked her forehead. “I just explained all of this to mom and dad, Dash. Long story short, he’s Syndrome with no memories.”

Dash stared at Raven for a moment before running off to keep Jack (and probably himself) safe.

Well, that went pretty good, Raven thought to herself.

“I hope Rick was right about the whole memory thing. I don’t think I can face Syndrome again in my own house spontaneously with no warning… again.” Bob frowned.

“I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about,” Raven responded.

The doorbell rang.

Well, from my somewhat extensive viewing of the show, I can tell that your version of Boo shares a few traits with Abbey like being optimistic, caring, random and strange. But Abbey is definitely not reckless or a liar. Nevertheless, it is a pleasant coincidence your character is similar to Abbey in some aspects! :slight_smile:

Arkie - Argh, cliffhanger ending! :frowning:

Well, great writing as usual. I like how you fleshed out the little nuances (little actions like smiling, staring, shaking head, etc.), and that you have a strong grasp of the ‘show, not tell’ concept. Things like Helen chiding Bob not to break the chair (a great display of his deep-seated anger and mistrust of Syndrome/Phoenix), or Dash not growing out of his rapid-fire line of questioning.

The only qualm I have is that (who I assume is) Syndrome shows up too quickly and conveniently without giving Violet prior notice after her call to Rick. Maybe if she had mentioned “he was on his way” or something, it would have made more sense. Unless you meant it as a ‘surprise drop-by’.

Keep up the good work, can’t wait to find out who’s standing on the porch.

Thanks! I wanted to try to stay at least semi-true to the film, unlike a lot of fanfics out there. That’s why Bob and Helen were supportive of Vi/Raven when she wanted to do her own thing, because I just can’t honestly believe that they’d get mad at her for giving back to society in her own way.

It was originally going to be Phoenix on the doorstep, but I decided that something else made much more sense so I’m going to go that path instead. Hopefully it’ll be up soon.