All right guys… the moment you’ve all ben waiting for… the exciting Chapter Eleven is here!!! fireworks display over the Postulate as it flies
Chapter Eleven: The I.C.U. Incident
“Ok guys!” announced Grand Moff Gopher, “You two have earned yourself a one-way ticket to the Intensive Care Unit, or as its residents call it, the ‘Ward’!”
Grand Moff Gopher loaded Wallace and Evelyn onto the transport he had brought into the bridge. He then took them into the elevator, which led back down to the lobby. There, Typo Organizer was still trying to figure out why he was waving his hand.
“Hey there!” Wallace exclaimed, “Nice to see you again. Oh, and I see you’ve learn to wave.”
Wallace waved to Typo again, who waved back in response. He then turned his attention to speak to Evelyn.
“Evelyn, I―” Wallace started off, grasping the scout’s shoulder.
However, Evelyn responded to the garbage boy with a frustrated grunt. Wallace could tell she did not want to speak to him.
Back on the bridge, McCrea noticed that he got some dirt on his hand. He put it in a holo-analyzer connected to the computer.
“Analyze,” he ordered the computer.
“Analysis: Poop,” the computer confirmed, “Substance is a three-phase system composed of various combinations of naturally derived solids. Subject is most commonly referred to as: soil, dirt, or earth.”
“Huh?” McCrea was suddenly interested, “Computer, will you define this word for me?”
The computer then appeared as a hologram, and accessed the Encyclopedia Axiomatica. She automatically filled the computer screen with pictures, charts, diagrams, definitions, mini-videos, and other stuff related to Earth.
“Earth: the surface of the world as distinct from the sky and sea,” the computer told he Captain.
“Wow,” Captain McCrea was intrigued, “Define: sea.”
“Sea,” began the computer, “…an expanse of salt water that covers most of the Earth’s surface and surrounds its land masses…”
Meanwhile, way at the stern end of the Postulate, Mo continued through the hallways, cleaning up shoe prints with his Swiffer™ Wet Jet.
“This kid is sooooooo gonna be sorry he came onboard this ship!!!” Mo vowed.
However, because he was so upset at the fact that Wallace left dirty shoe-prints all over the hall floors, Mo was cleaning up after the garbage collector’s mess, without looking where he was going, and because of that, he ended up causing an entire traffic jam of crewmembers. Grand Moff Gopher glided by with his emergency transport that was carrying Wallace and Evelyn, but he turned on a corner, and headed for another hallway. At the end of that passage, there was a large pair of doors that read: “I.C.U.: Intensive Care Unit”. A red light glowed, giving admittance to the officer to enter the ward.
Medics immediately came to the transport. One medic scanned Evelyn and attached a red patient tag connected to her head and chest. The medics then scanned Wallace, but he jumped off the transport before a patient tag could be attached. As he made his way across, a stylist named Partlet Cosmetic caught up with him. Pulling out a curling iron, mascara, facial foundation, lipstick, and eyeshadow, she grabbed poor Wallace, sat him in a salon chair, and draped an apron over him. She then proceeded to give him the “Ultimate Makeover”; curling his greased locks, blushing his cheeks, and touching up his face, all while singing “Fabulous” from High School Musical 2:
“I want fabulous! That is my simple request! All things fabulous! Bigger and better and best! I need something inspiring to help me get along! I need a little fabulous, is that so wrong?!” Partlet’s chatterbox voice blared through the patient ward.
After finishing her number, Partlet held up a mirror to Wallace’s face. The little garbage boy was shocked to see curls in his hair, blue paint over his eyes, elongated lashes as he blinked, pink blush on his cheeks, red coloring on his lips, and body glitter around his eyes and neck. And to top it all off, he had a dotted bow sitting on the side of his head.
“You look gorgeous!” Partlet complimented, smiling.
“What have you done?!! I look like one of those so-called ‘perfect’ fashion dolls!!!” Wallace cried, “Somebody get me out of this horrible place!”
A medic then came over to pick up Wallace and force him into a patient bed. He then found himself situated between a painter to his right, and a vacuuming guy to his left. Wallace turned to the painter first.
“Hello there,” greeted Wallace, “Do you like to color?”
The painter then turned his attention to the garbage collector, “Hello there. I’m Vince Lichtenstein,” he introduced himself as he brushed paint on Wallace’s face, “I feel this patient ward need some redecorating, so I took the liberty of painting in myself. Do you like it?”
“Uh, sure,” Wallace commented, “You sure have a way with color.”
As Vince turned back from painting Wallace’s face to decorating the wall, Wallace turned around, only to get his face sneezed on.
“Hi there,” sniffled the vacuuming boy, “I’m Bissell Dustbuster―ACHOO!!! And what’s your name?”
“Um, I’m Wallace,” answered Wallace as he wiped the mucus off his face with his arm.
“I don’t know why, but people always tell me ‘Gesundheit’,” began Bissell, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Wallace inquired, “I’ve never heard such a strange word in my life. But bless you, anyway.”
The sick patient reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a packet of wipes. He handed one sheet to Wallace.
“Would you like one?” asked Bissell, “You probably want all that makeup, paint, and snot off your face.”
“Thanks,” Wallace accepted the wiped and began to clean his face.
“You’re welcome,” Bissell sniffled, pulling out a packet of tissues from his belt.
As Bissell wiped his nose with a handkerchief and Vince splattered paint on his walls, Wallace looked around the ward, seeing other patients in worse conditions; a waiter was hitting himself with his tray and repeatedly shouting “Why am I hittin’ myself?!”, a tennis girl couldn’t stop hitting tennis balls across the room, a golfer hit golf balls continually and yelled “Fore!”, an electrical technician named Leticia Coleman wouldn’t stop flickering her flashlight, and a hyperactive massage therapist named Shiatsu Masashi almost beat up another crewmember―thus, the medics had to put a holo-restraint around him.
“Hey, why’d ya’ put this holo-thingy on me?! Let me outta this trash now!” screamed Shiatsu.
And so those are the patients of the I.C.U.—crazy and out-of-control. At that moment, as Wallace surveyed his surroundings, he caught another team of medics escorting Evelyn into a diagnostic exam room.
“Evelyn!” Wallace cried out desperately.
Inside the diagnostic room, a girl named Dee Fibrillator was being given a test on how well she could perform CPR, but she had too much energy in her MedPac, so the medics assisting her immediately sprayed the area with a fire extinguisher. In another corner, an umbrella operator named Sombrilla Parasol could not control her umbrella from flaring up. Yes, these are the lives of these “defective” crewmembers, you could say.
In the front exam table, the medics set Evelyn down, and had her changed into a hospital gown. They were ready to begin the exam. First, the lead medic brought down a device to test Evelyn’s vision. While she had her left eye checked, she covered her right eye, and vice versa. The physicians then asked her to display any weapons she could be carrying; in order to promptly remove them. Unfortunately, the doors were translucent, so Wallace interpreted the medics’ actions differently from what was really going on.
“Oh my ShoppyMart!” Wallace grew dreadful, “They’re trying to tear off her arm!”
After that, the physician in the diagnostic room had Evelyn roll up her sleeve, brought down a device to test Evelyn’s reflexes, and stuck it in what seemed to be her right arm socket. This device actually did not hurt at all; it just gave Evelyn a funny sensation that pulsed through her nerves, so she laughed uncontrollably.
“Hey, that feels funny!” Evelyn laughed as she bounced slightly on the exam table, “I think I’m going to like coming here more often!”
Another physician came to hold Evelyn, fearing she would bounce herself off the table. Unfortunately, in the other corner, Sombrilla screamed her head off when she got her hair caught in the umbrella’s activation mechanism. Medics rushed to help the distraught girl.
“Those medics are electrocuting Evelyn!!!” Wallace had mistaken Perry’s screeching for Evelyn crying of torture.
Back in the diagnostic room, the medics found that there was nothing wrong with Evelyn. So as a reward, they gave her a quick facial cleansing, and they brought a soft buffer to smooth out her face and clear out any acne if she had any.
“Ooooh,” Evelyn giggled as the buffer rotated under her chin, “That feels so pleasant!”
However, Wallace could only see and interpret the silhouettes he saw through the translucent doors of the diagnostic room, so he screamed, “They’re gonna behead Evelyn!”, thinking that the buffer was actually a rotating saw.
Wallace used the laser in his glasses to free himself from his patient bed. He accidently landed on the play button of his Walkman™, which played “Hasta La Vista”, as he ran straight to the diagnostic room, and crashed down the glass doors.
“EVELYN!!!” Wallace cried out loudly. He then ran to a medic and yanked Evelyn’s blast cannon to fire at the medics.
“Wallace,” began Evelyn, “Please put my blaster down, and don’t even think about firing it. Besides, you’re holding it the wrong―”
Wallace’s fear for Evelyn’s safety took over, and he fired it. However, as the scout tried to warn him about the blaster, he then realized a little too late that he was holding the blast cannon backwards.
To describe this scene in slow-motion, the laser blast zoomed across the room, slowly, and the other patients watched it fly. The blast ultimately impacted on the security padlock beside the door of the ward, and all the medics fainted (somehow, they are connected with the padlock).
Now, enough with the slow-mo, and back to normal-speed filming: Wallace was so embarrassed. He turned off his Walkman™, and shuddered as he crouched down on the floor shamefully. However, even more humiliated was Evelyn, for her “admirer” had ruined her exam.
“WALLACE!!!” Evelyn screamed, “You ruined my exam! OH, this day just gets better and better!”
The patient beds immediately deactivated their holo-restraints. All the patients then cheered for their newfound freedom, so they picked up Wallace and carried him out of the I.C.U. and into the hallway, as if they were leading a parade.
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What a suspensful cliffhanger I left you there with… 
And I’m glad you liked how I interpreted this part of the movie. I’m glad you appreciated it.